Page A2From§Eachthe wee small hours edition — 16 September 2026
“They took the two easiest tells a hiring form can have — you rob your boss, you can't pass a basic background check — and just deleted them, the same season an ICE watchdog said out loud that the agency doing the raids stopped checking who it arms. That's not streamlining paperwork, that's clearing the shelf so it doesn't look empty when the cameras show up. Both of these outfits carry guns for a living, and both bosses called it necessary under oath.”
“Look, attrition is attrition — you lose scores of career agents, you widen the aperture a little, that's just workforce management, nothing sinister about it. And the bestiality provision, I mean, one senator asked one question, the director gave one answer, that's oversight functioning exactly as designed. Did I just call an exemption for animal abuse "oversight functioning as designed"? That's — let's move on.”
The receipts
The DOJ disbanded its crypto enforcement team in April 2025 and ordered inconsistent investigations closed - while the president's family runs a crypto business CNBC, 8 April 2025 (Blanche memo)
Patel pushed on lower hiring standards at FBI, Olympic celebrationFBI Director Kash Patel was grilled for nearly five hours by both Democrats and Republicans about a string of recent negative headlines about the FBI.
Sen. John Kennedy grilled the FBI director about a recently revised policy that doesn’t automatically disqualify job applicants who have engaged in bestiality.
FBI Director Kash Patel testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee on Tuesday, defending his lowering of hiring standards and saying the bureau had no plans to seize election-related materials. CBS News' Jake Rosen has more.
· Kash Patel to testify before Congress next week from the morgue, 9 Sep 2026
· FBI revises hiring standards regarding prostitution, stealing from employer from the morgue, 30 Aug 2026
· ICE Hired Unqualified Goons After 'Unprecedented Lowering of Standards': Whistleblower from the morgue, 3 Sep 2026
· ICE whistleblower warned of 'unprecedented lowering of standards' during hiring spree from the morgue, 4 Sep 2026
This page is a back-issue: the story as it ran, receipts as they were. The current edition is at the front. The byline is a pen name for a column drafted by a machine and checked by the editor: how this is made.