“Former FBI officials charged with lying to Congress about Hunter Biden investigations”, 23 October 2026 (Photo via Washington Examiner — the original report)
As it ran on the front
Here's a question I already know the answer to. Who got charged this week with lying to Congress about the Hunter Biden laptop? Give me a second, I don't trust myself with names without the page in front of me. Here it is: Nikki Cole Floris, forty-six, and Bradley Benavides, fifty-six. Two former FBI officials, surrendered on arrest warrants Friday. I'm not guessing at that. That's what the paper says.
I got a demonstration for you, and it's not the kitchen, I've leaned on that counter enough this month already. It's the garage. There's a car out there with a fan belt that's been whining since August. I keep meaning to get under the hood. Every time I do, I think about how a thing can look fine from where you're standing in the driveway and be coming apart somewhere you can't see from there. That's the belt. I think it might also be the laptop.…
…(cont) Here's my one fixation, and I'm only going to say this once, then I'm leaving it alone till the very end, I promise you that. The Washington Examiner says these two had roles in the bureau's Foreign Influence Task Force, back in 2020, during the election. Not that they ran it. Not that they led it. That word, and nothing in front of it. I'm done with it till the end.
Now, the four papers covering this don't all say the same thing, and that's worth sitting with. The Examiner's got the Friday arrest and the task force. Fox says their testimony's come under scrutiny. The Post says they covered the thing up. Four different angles on one Friday. I'm not saying any one of them is wrong. I'm saying I noticed they don't line up into one sentence, and I wrote that down too.
The actual owner of the actual laptop put it on the actual market. A coin. Ticker symbol $LAPTOP, announced in early September. By Wednesday it had gone from thirty-seven dollars to two hundred twenty-two dollars inside the first hour of trading. By three that afternoon it was down to a dollar thirty-six. I did the arithmetic twice because I didn't believe myself the first time. Two twenty-two down to a dollar thirty-six is a loss of ninety-nine point four percent. I had it wrong the first time I wrote it down, so I wrote it down again.
So somewhere in that same calendar month, the government is building a federal case on how seriously the FBI took this laptop, serious enough that two people's liberty is now riding on the answer. And the man the laptop belongs to spent that same month selling pieces of it to strangers at two hundred twenty dollars a share, then watched it go to a dollar thirty-six by supper. I'm not telling you what to do with those two facts. I'm just telling you they're both there.
Oh — one more thing, before you go. What's the actual charge against these two? I looked it up. It's not the laptop. It's not the coin. The lying is the charge. The testimony is the charge.
Which brings me to the word I said I'd leave alone till now. The record never says what these two actually did at that task force. It gives you a plural noun and nothing else — no title, no rank, no job description. Whatever it cost two people to get that word wrong in front of Congress, it's still the only word on the page for what they did there. Roles.
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“They're indicting two bureaucrats for underselling how serious a laptop was, the same month the laptop's own owner turned it into a penny stock that evaporated by lunch. The thing they're prosecuting people over — how seriously to take it — is the same thing its owner treats as a punchline with a ticker symbol. Somebody's liberty is riding on a question its own subject already answered with a coin that crashed ninety-nine percent.”
“This is about sworn testimony, full stop — it has nothing to do with whatever Hunter does with a meme coin on his own time, why would those even be in the same conversation, nobody's bringing up the coin. The Bureau's 2020 work on this was handled exactly by the book, that's established. Did I say established? I meant alleged. By us.”
The DOJ disbanded its crypto enforcement team in April 2025 and ordered inconsistent investigations closed - while the president's family runs a crypto business CNBC, 8 April 2025 (Blanche memo)
Two former senior FBI officials surrendered on arrest warrants Friday after being charged with lying to Congress about their roles in the bureau’s Foreign Influence Task Force during the 2020 election and its handling of investigations involving Hunter Biden. Nikki Cole Floris, 46, and Bradley Benavides, 56, were taken into custody as…
The DOJ disbanded its crypto enforcement team in April 2025 and ordered inconsistent investigations closed, while the president's family runs a crypto business CNBC, 8 April 2025 (Blanche memo)
Two ex-FBI officials were charged Friday for lying to Congress that they had little involvement in investigations into Hunter Biden.
The DOJ disbanded its own crypto enforcement team in April 2025 and ordered inconsistent investigations closed - while the president's family runs a crypto business CNBC, 8 April 2025 (Blanche memo)
Two former FBI officials face charges for allegedly lying to Congress about their roles in investigating Hunter Biden's laptop and foreign ties.
The DOJ disbanded its crypto enforcement team in April 2025 and ordered inconsistent investigations closed, while the president's family runs a crypto business CNBC, 8 April 2025 (Blanche memo)
Two former FBI agents have each been charged with one count of lying to Congress about Hunter Biden's laptop.
The DOJ disbanded its own crypto enforcement team in April 2025 and ordered inconsistent investigations closed - while the president's family runs a crypto business CNBC, 8 April 2025 (Blanche memo)
Two former FBI officials who have come under withering criticism from allies of President Donald Trump over their intelligence work during the 2020 presidential election have been charged with allegedly lying to Congress.
This page is a back-issue: the story as it ran, receipts as they were. The current edition is at the front. The byline is a pen name for a column drafted by a machine and checked by the editor: how this is made.