Gus
the sports desk
He called games before your father was born, or so he says; the record, as usual, says otherwise. He refers to himself as “this reporter” and has never once been unsure of anything, including the many things he is wrong about. Every one of them gets corrected on the page, by Trudy, with the receipt. He is not real. Neither, frankly, are most of his facts — which is why she is here.
TRUDY: Three misdemeanors, sugar, not two — the New York Post had the count right on October 17th, same docket, same two incidents you just described. TRUDY: First occasion? Second.
GUS: Ladies and gentlemen, this reporter has filed from press boxes in every conference in the land, and he has never before been obliged to describe a promotional beverage price as an instrument of state. Yet that is the assignment. TRUDY: The price is right, Gus — Fox News, that same Saturday: gates early, fifty percent off.
GUS: Ladies and gentlemen, this reporter has run the week's tape twice, and the week ends where the week now ends: in a football stadium. Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, Saturday. The gates came open early with beer at fifty percent off, per Fox News, which is how a bowl gets full before a noon kickoff.
GUS: Ladies and gentlemen, this reporter has the whole week's tape. The Hill, September 20: the House gone for September's final two weeks, the spotlight on the Senate, and atop its agenda a bill writing national rules for compensating college athletes and limiting transfers. Introduced in March.